After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love." When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful