Imagine praying and then hearing some combination of the following... Thank you for calling Heaven. Your call is important to us so please stay on the line. Hello, this is Heaven. Please select one of the following options: Press 1 for Requests Press 2 for Thanksgiving Press 3 for Complaints Press 4 for Lottery numbers Press 5 for all other inquiries I am sorry. All of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line. Thank you for waiting. If you would like to speak to: God, press 1 Jesus, press 2 the Holy Spirit, press 3 Moses, press 798 (changed from 998) To find a loved one that may have been assigned to Heaven press 5, then enter his or her Social Security number followed by the pound sign. If you get a negative response, hang up and try area code 666. For answers to nagging questions, please enter J-O-H-N-3-1-6. For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, the meaning of our existence, and the location of Noah's Ark, please wait until you arrive. Our computers show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow. This office is now closed in observance of a religious holiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:30AM. If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor. Have a good day!!!