* I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it. * "Kitty box crunchies" are not food. * The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible. * I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones. * I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet * I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing. * I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. * I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red ones so my people will think I am dying. * I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. * I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her ear. 2* I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells. * I will not throw up in the car. * I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration. * When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. * I must shake the rainwater out of my fur *before* entering the house. * I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet. * I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. * The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps. * We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. * I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. * My head does not belong in the refrigerator. * I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. * The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.