Subject: Dark Sucker Theory: More Aggie Science Back in September a notice was sent to the group explaining the theory that electrical circuits actually operate on smoke. e.g. "...every time we let the smoke out of the electrical system, it stops working." I would like to share with you another theory which dates back even further and which I believe to be more accurate. If you take a closer look at where the smoke leaked out of the wire or circuit in question, you will notice a black spot around the leakage point. This shows that it was the excessive amount of dark that was trying to be passed thru the point of failure which caused it to fail. The smoke was the byproduct of the friction caused by the mass of dark escaping. This theory was first introduced to me by the famous Professor Irwyn Corey. My later research also revealed that the U.S. Government (back in the 20''s or 30''s) actually provided a grant to an individual (whose name escapes me at the moment) for the purpose of conducting experiments to measure conclusively the "speed of dark". After three years of research he was no closer than when he started and the grant was canceled, thus the experiments ended. The one thing he was sure of was that dark is faster than light. The Dark Sucker Theory For years it has been the belief that electric light bulbs emit light. However, recent information in technical manuals has proven otherwise. Electric light bulbs do not emit light, they suck dark. Thus they are called "dark suckers". The "Dark Sucker Theory" proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark is faster than light. The basis for the dark suckers theory is that all electric bulbs suck dark. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark right next to them, right? The larger the dark suckers, the greater the capacity. Dark suckers don''t last forever because they get full. Proof of this is given by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick and after it is used, the wick turns black because of all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the wick. Dark has mass because when it goes into a dark sucker, the friction creates a lot of heat. Thus it is unwise to touch an operating dark sucker. Candles and lighted matches present a special problem because the dark must be absorbed by the solid wick or match head. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle or match. Dark is heavier than light, because when you swim just below the surface you will see a lot of light. As you swim deeper it gets darker and darker. This shows that dark sinks because it''s heavy. Dark being heavy is good because it settles in lakes and dams and then it is pushed through turbines that create electricity, which is used to power the giant dark suckers. Finally, dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed closet and slowly open the door to the closet, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But, because of the faster speed of dark, you would not see the dark leave the closet. This proves that dark is faster than light.