THE BOBBITS TO THE BEVERLY HILLIBILLIES THEME Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John, A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone, It seems one night after getting' with the wife She lopped off his dog with the swipe of a knife. Penis, that is. Clean Cut. Missed his nuts. Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side, And Lorena's in the car taken' Willie for a ride. She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend, And tossed him out of the window as she rounded a bend. Curve, that is. Tossed the nub. In the shrub. She went to the cops and confessed to the attack, And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back. They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there" To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air. Found that is. By a fence. Evidence. Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long, So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong!" "A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need" And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny peed. Whizzed, that is. Even seam. Straight seam. Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short. They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape, And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape. Video, that is. Unexposed. Case closed. Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?