What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? - Dam! How do you get holy water? - You boil the hell out of it. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? - Polaroids. Why don't blind people like to skydive? - Because it scares the dog. What do prisoners use to call each other? - Cell phones. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? - A stick. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? - Nacho Cheese. What do you call Santa's helpers? - Subordinate Clauses. What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? - Quattro sinko. What do you get from a pampered cow? - Spoiled milk. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? - Frostbite. What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? - A pool table. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? - A nervous wreck. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? - Anyone can roast beef. Where do you find a dog with no legs? - Right where you left him. Where do you get virgin wool from? - Ugly sheep. Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? - They all have phones. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? - They're trying to get away from the noise. Why do gorilllas have big nostrils? - Because they have big fingers What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? - The taste. What is a zebra? - 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra. Did you hear about the flasher that was thinking about retiring? - He decided to stick it out for one more year. What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? - A dog that runs for help... after it tears your throat out. What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? - They're hiring. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? - Sanka. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? - The location of the dirt bag. What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? - A bad golfer goes, whack, dang it! - A bad skydiver goes dang it!! Whack. How do you catch a unique rabbit? - Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? - Tame way, unique up on it.