Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --Oscar Wilde Beer is good food. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank. Life is too short to drink cheap beer. Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore Beer: Nature's laxative. Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother! One more drink and I'd be under the host. --Dorothy Parker All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. --Dave Barry When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. --Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time. --A Wolverine is Eating My Leg The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer. If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing... Draft beer, not people! Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat. --David Geary Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton A drink a day keeps the shrink away. --Edward Abbey People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI Put it back in the horse! --H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.