The reason it's always so difficult for this president to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it's usually three different stories. --Sam Donaldson If the president could convince every woman in America that the Bible says oral sex is not adultery, he'd even have my vote. --Newt Gingrich What's wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same thing. --Kenneth Starr The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire Grand Jury. --Monica Lewinsky Shouldn't the president be held to the same standards as a TV sportscaster? --Marv Albert The president should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find the real person who had oral sex with the intern. --OJ Simpson If I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who swore she didn't have sex with the president, I'd never get any of my own work done. --Vernon Jordan The president should take up skiing. --Al Gore If you're looking for me this week, I'll be in the bunker. --Saddam Hussein Practicing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making sure the door is locked. --George Stephanopoulos In last week's Cabinet meeting, the president asked us to go out and win one for the zipper. --Madeliene "Aunt Bea" Albright