11) "Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?" 10) One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you. 09) Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly. 08) When you log on, your computer says "You've got lawsuits!" 07) Your inbox is filled with sheep porno and you're strictly a goat porno kind of guy. 06) You're suddenly getting more Spam than the Hormel outlet store. 05) Sotheby's says the Rembrandt is yours and that you now owe them $71,000,000 and change. 04) You now have 130,000 ClubTop5 subscriptions and Chris White is on the cover of Business Week. 03) Terse "Knock it off, Oedipus" email from your Mom. 02) Your wife calls you at the office to report that Pogdi, your Pakistani mail-order bride, has arrived. and the Number 1 Sign Someone's Been Using Your Hotmail Account... 01) "The resistance welcomes your involvement. Your contact information has been forwarded to a local insurgent who will bring supplies and reinforcements to you immediately."