Real Engineers consider themselves well-dressed if their socks match. Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday. Real Engineers wear moustaches or beards for "efficiency". Not because they're lazy. Real Engineers have non-technical vocabulary of 800 words. Real Engineers think a "biting wit" is their fox terrier. Real Engineers know the second law of thermodynamics - but not their own shirt size. Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches and automatic transmissions. Real Engineers say, "It's 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 degrees Kelvin," and all you say is "it's a nice day." Real Engineers give you the feeling you're having a conversation with a dial tone or busy signal. Real Engineers wear badges so they don't forget who they are. Sometimes a note is attached saying, "Don't offer me a ride today. I drove my own car." Real Engineers politics run towards acquiring a parking space with their name on it and an office with a window. Real Engineers know the "ABCs of Infrared" from A to Z. Real Engineers rotate their tires for laughs. Real Engineers will make four sets of drawings (with seven revisions) before making a bird bath. Real Engineers' briefcases contain a Phillips screwdriver, a copy of "Quantum Physics" and half a peanut butter sandwich. Real Engineers don't find the above at all funny.