-There are three kinds of people -- those who can count and those who can't. -One good turn gets most of the blankets. -Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any. -Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. -If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of? -No guts, no glory, no brain, same story. -If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"? -If you don't die from it -- it is healthy. -If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is going on. -It is better to be looked over than overlooked. -It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out. -My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done. -There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. -Life is sexually transmitted. -Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. -An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. -If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool. -Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awful. -No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong. -You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever. -Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.