TOP 25 THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY 25. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex." 24. "Duct tape won't fix that." 23. "Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken." 22. "We don't keep firearms in this house." 21. "You can't feed that to the dog." 20. "No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe." 19. "Wrasslin's fake." 18. "I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy." 17. "Who's Richard Petty." 16. "Give me the small bag of pork rinds." 15. "Deer heads detract from the decor." 14. "Spittin' is such a nasty habit." 13. "Trim the fat off that steak." 12. "The tires on that truck are too big." 11. "I'll have the argula and radicchio salad." 10. "I've got it all on floppy disk." 9. "Would you like your fish poached or broiled." 8. "My fiancee' is registered at Tiffany's." 7. "Checkmate." 6. "She's too old to be wearing that bikini." 5. "Does the salad bar have bean sprouts." 4. "I don't have a favorite college team." 3. "Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darlin." 2. "Elvis who?" And the number one thing you will NEVER hear a Southerner say: 1. "I couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today."