Here is a guide to the points system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed ......................................+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows............................................... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets............-1 You leave the toilet seat up...........................-5 You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.................................................. 0 When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex................................................-1 When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom....-2 You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings..................................................+5 in the snow............................................+8 but return with beer...................................-5 and no liners.........................................-25 You check out a suspicious noise at night.............. 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing................................................ 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.............................................+ 5 You pummel it with a six iron.........................+10 It's her cat......................................... -40 AT THE PARTY You stay by her side the entire party.................. 0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy..........................-2 Named Tiffany......................................... -4 Tiffany is a dancer...................................-10 With breast implants..................................-18 HER BIRTHDAY You remember her birthday...............................0 You buy a card and flowers..............................0 You take her out to dinner..............................0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.. +1 Okay, it is a sports bar.............................. -2 And it's all-you-can-eat night........................ -3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..................................................-10 A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS Go with a pal..........................................0 The pal is happily married.............................+1 The pal is single......................................-7 He drives a Ferrari...................................-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)..........-15 NIGHT OUT WITH HER You take her to a movie................................+2 You take her to a movie she likes......................+4 You take her to a movie you hate.......................+6 You take her to a movie you like......................-2 It's called Death Cop 3................................-3 Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.................-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...............................................-15 YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable pot belly....................-15 You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.................................................+10 You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.......................-30 You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one, too.".....-800 THE BIG QUESTION She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding............................-10 You reply, "Where?"..................................-35 You reply, "No, I think it's your butt that does it"..................................................-100 Any other response....................................-20 COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying a concerned expression...........0 You listen, for over 30 minutes........................+5 You relate to her problem and share a similar experience............................................+50 Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?"..................................................-50 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV...............................................+100 She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep...............................................-200 And remember... The shelf life of a positive point is about half a second. The shelf life of a negative point is approximately twice as long as a man's life span.