Taoism: Shit happens. - If you can shit, it isn't shit. - Shit happens, so flow with it. Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding. - She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, - she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she- it) - Please take this flower and buy our shit. > > Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit happens". - Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY." Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. - If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone. - Shit will happen again to you next time. - Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will have salvation. Zen: What is the sound of shit happening? 7th Day Adventism: Shit happens on Saturdays. Hinduism: I've seen this shit happening before. - This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life. - This shit happening IS you. Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else. - If shit happens, praise the lord for it! Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. Episcopalianism: If shit happens, hold a procession. Lutheranism: Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK. Anglicanism: It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans. Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it. - You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit. Charismatic Catholicism: Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway. Judaism: Why does shit always happen to US? - Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal? Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives? Islam: If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah. - If shit happens, take a hostage. - We don't take any shit. Nation of Islam: Don't take no shit! New Age: That's not shit, it's feldspar. - A firm shit does not happen to me. - This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate. - I create my own shit. - If shit happens, honor it and share it. - Sheeeeeeeeeeit! - Were all part of the same shit. - For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit. Wicca: If shit happened once, it will happen twice more. - The Goddess makes shit happen. Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon. - There is only a limited amount of good shit. - Knock Knock, "Shit Happens." - Here, we insist you take our shit. - Shit happens door to door. - Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read. Secular Humanism: Shit evolves. Darwinism: Survival of the shittiest. Creationism: ... And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there came piles of it. After six days of this shit, He rested. Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray. - Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it. - Our shit will take care of itself. - Shit happens in your mind. Atheism: I don't believe this shit! - Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead. - No shit! - It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it. Religion from an Atheist's point of view: I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit. Agnosticism: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not. - What is this shit?! - I don't know shit! - How can we KNOW if shit happens? - You can't prove any of this shit! Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit! - Hey, this is good shit, mon. Mormonism: If shit happens, shun it. - Excrement happens. (you can't say 'shit' in Utah) - Hey, there's more shit happening over here! - Our shit is better than your shit. - Shit happens again & again & again ... Energizer Bunny: Shit happens and happens and happens and ... Baptist: You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it. - We'll wash the shit right off you. Southern Baptist: Shit will happen. Praise the lord! Iraqi Baathist: Oh shit! Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you. - Let's stick some pins in this shit! - This shit's gonna get you! Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening... Unitarianism: What is this Shit? - We affirm the right for shit to happen. - Go ahead, shit anywhere you want. - It's not the shit that matters. It's the process. Orthodox: St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit. Greek Orthodox: Shit happens, usually in threes. EST: I am at cause that shit will not happen. - You're responsible for all the shit that happens. Fundamentalism: There's no shit in the Bible. - Shit happens, but don't publish it. Twelve Step: Shit happens one day at a time. Amish: Shit is good for the soil. - This modern shit is worthless. Native Americans: Shit is sacred when it happens. Shintoism: You inherit the shit of your ancestors. Moonies: Only happy shit really happens. Stoicism: This shit happening is good for me. Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time. - Christianity stole half its shit from us. Bahaism: Why do you keep shitting on us? Mysticism: This is really weird shit. Paganism: Shit happens for a variety of reasons. Rajhneesh: Give us your shit and put on this orange shit. Rosicrucianism: What is this AMORC shit? Satanism: We hope bad shit happens to all of you. - We will make your shit happen. Witchcraft: Mix this shit together and it will happen! Scientology: All this happens to be shit. - If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you. Shamanism: Whoaa...Holy Shit! Sikhism: Leave our shit alone. Moilanenism: Smells like shit of finnish fish. Sureshism: You are all pieces of shit. Branch Davidianism: May shit happen to the FBI! - If shit happens, have a BIG barbecue... - David thinks he's hot shit. Divorcism: She's full of shit! - He's fooling around with some worthless piece of shit. - ... but Judge, you can't give her all that shit! Creation Science: Shit has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C. Discordianism: Shit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful. Kibology: What's shit, and where can I get some? Spam: Spam happens. SubGenius: Shit has happened. For $20 "Bob" will sell you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT. Dianetics: "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)