(or defining computer terms from a "marketing point of view") ALL NEW -- The software is not compatible with previous versions. ADVANCED DESIGN -- Upper management doesn't understand it. BREAKTHROUGH -- It nearly booted on the first try. NEW -- It comes in different colors from the previous version. DESIGN SIMPLICITY -- It was developed on a shoe-string budget. EXCLUSIVE -- We're the only ones who have the documentation. FIELD TESTED -- Manufacturing doesn't have a test system. FOOLPROOF OPERATION -- All parameters are hard coded. FUTURISTIC -- It only runs on the next-generation supercomputer. HIGH ACCURACY -- All the directories compare. IT'S HERE AT LAST -- We've released a 26-week project in 48 weeks. MAINTENANCE FREE -- It's impossible to fix. MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS -- It compiles without errors. OPEN SYSTEMS -- Anything with our logo on it! Vendor dependent variations of the above definitions of open systems: USL -- Pay us for the license - & it's open. OSF -- Anything IBM& DEC can agree on must be open Sun -- Give me an `s', give me a `p', give me an `a', give me an r', give me a `c' - what have you got? OPEN! Microsoft -- Open Systems? Isn't that a laxative? IBM - Open systems? We have 13 of them. Which one do you want PERFORMANCE PROVEN -- It works through beta test. REVOLUTIONARY -- The disk drives go round and round. SATISFACTION GUARANTEED -- We'll send you another copy if it fails. STOCK ITEM -- We shipped it once before, and we can do it again, probably. UNMATCHED -- It's almost as good as the competition. UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE -- Nothing ever ran this slow before. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT -- We finally got one to work.