Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. The world has 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. ..Every morning is the dawn of a new error... For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock. Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way. If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either. Budget: A method for going broke methodically. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Dain bramaged. Department of Redundancy Department Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat! What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN Best file compression around: "DEL. " = 100% compression The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding The name is Baud......, James Baud. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups. .. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)? A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium. 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? Windows: Just another pane in the glass. RAM disk is not an installation procedure. Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE press any key to continue or any other key to quit... (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network? (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?