The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued they were going to blow up the world. So they decided to settle the dispute with one dog flight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world, and whichever side's dog won would rule the planet. The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females and bred them with the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves.. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, used steroids and trainers, and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. When the day came, the Americans showed up with a strange animal, a 9-foot-long dachshund. The Russians were certain it couldn't last 10 seconds against their dog. When the cages were opened, the dachshund slowly waddled over to the Russian dog. The Russian dog leaped out of its cage. But when it got close, the dachshund opened its mouth and consumed the other dog in a gulp. The Russians were stunned. "We don't understand how this could have happened!" they said. "We had our best people working for five years to make the meanest dog in the world." "That's nothing," said the Americans. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a dachshund."