Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?' If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?