* You ever cut your grass and found a car. * You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. * Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years. * You burn your yard rather than mow it. * The Salvation Army declines your mattress. * You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. * Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one. * You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial. * You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table. * You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice. * Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. * The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice. * There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door. * You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. * The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house. * Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes. * You've ever financed a tattoo. * You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture. * People hear your car a long time before they see it. * You go to a stock car race and don't need a program. * You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. * Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you. * You call your boss "dude". * You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. * You've ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.