You are invited to use our new automated menu at the Psychiatric Hotline. For better service when calling our hotline please select from the following options: If you are obsessive-compulsive: press 1 repeatedly If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to press 2 If you have multiple personalities: press 3,4,and 5 If you are paranoid-delusional: hang up, we know who you are and what you want and we are on the way. If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive: It doesn't matter which number you press because no one will answer.