At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?" Beauty Shop sign: "Dye now!" Bowling Alley sign: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop." Butcher's window sign: "Let me meat your needs." Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want." Car Dealership sign: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Computer Store door sign: "Out for a quick byte." Counselor's office sign: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional." Diner Window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come in and get fed up." Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?" Dry cleaner's shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot? Would that be satisfactory?" Dry cleaner's emporium "Drop your pants here." Electric Company sign: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be." Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." Fence sign: "Salesmen Welcome, Dog food is expensive." Front Door sign: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." Funeral home sign: "Drive carefully, we'll wait." Garbage Truck sign: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." Hotel sign: "Help! We need inn-experienced people." Maternity Room Door sign: "Push, Push, Push." Maternity Clothes Shop: "We are open on labor day." Muffler Shop sign: "No appointment necessary, we hear you coming." Music Library: "Bach in a minuet." Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." Optometrist's Office sign: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." Office sign: "We shoot every 3rd salesman. The 2nd one just left." Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." Plumbing Truck in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip - call your plumber." Plumber: "We repair what your husband fixed." Podiatrist's office sign: "Time wounds all heels." Psychic's hotline sign: "Don't call us, we'll call you." Radiator repair shop sign: "Best place in town to take a leak." Restaurant window sign: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up." Scientist's Door: "Gone Fission" Taxidermist's window sign: "We really know our stuff." Towing company sign: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." Veterinarian's waiting room sign: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay! "