"Buy a man a beer and he wastes an hour. Teach a man to brew and he wastes a lifetime." --Author unknown "You can't be a real country unless you have beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." --Frank Zappa Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Ernest Hemmingway Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." --Winston Churchill "He was a wise man who invented beer." --Plato "Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time." -Catherine Zandonella "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." --W.C. Fields Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."--Winston Churchill's reply: "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." "Work is the curse of the drinking class." --Oscar Wilde "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -Henny Youngman "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin "If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out of your nose." --Jack Hands, Deep Thoughts "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." --Dave Barry "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." --Humphrey Bogart "People who drink "light beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot." -- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer." -Homer Simpson "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." --Dave Barry "I drink to make other people interesting." --George Jean Nathan "They who drink beer will think beer." --Washington Irving "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." -- Ernest Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." --Dean Martin