1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same *Both take up too much space on the bed. *Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. *Both are threatened by their own kind. *Both mark their territory. *Both are bad at asking you questions. *Neither tells you what's bothering them. *The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. *Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches. *Neither does any dishes. *Both fart shamelessly. *Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut. *Both like dominance games. *Both are suspicious of the postman. *Neither knows how to talk on the telephone. *Neither understands what you see in cats. 2. How Dogs Are Better Than Men *Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. *Dogs miss you when you're gone. *Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong. *Dogs don't criticize your friends. *Dogs admit when they're jealous. *Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. *Dogs don't laugh at how you throw. *Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence. *You can train a dog. *Dogs are easy to buy for. *You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams. *The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) *Dogs understand what no means. *Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. *Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a 20 yr younger owner *Dogs admit it when they're lost. *Dogs are colorblind. *Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. *Dogs mean it when they kiss you.