Confucius say: Everyone has a photographic memory. Not everyone has film. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Seen it, Done it, Can''t remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don''t. I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He''s not dumb, he''s electroencephalographically challenged. She''s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June flower. You have the right tho remain silent. Anything you say can and will be misquoted and used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Eschew Obfuscation. Save the Whales. Collect the whole set! Atheism is a non-prophet organization. On the other hand, you have diffrent fingers. Horn broken. Watch for finger. Your kid may be an honor student, but you are still an idiot All generalizations are false. Cover me. I''m changing lanes. I brake for no apparent reason. Learn from your parents'' mistakes -- use birth control. I''m not as think as you drunk I am. Forget world peace...Visualize using your turn signal. We have enough youth, how about a foutain of smart? He who laughs last thinks slowest. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once. I love cats...they taste like chicken. Out of my mind...be back in five minutes. Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons Born free...Taxed to death The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. Laugh alone and the world thinks your an idiot. Rehab is for quitters. I get enough exercise pushing my luck. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I just let her sleep. All men are idiots and I married their king. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. Work is for people who don''t know how to fish. Montana -- at least the cows are sane. I didn''t fight my way to the top of the food chain just to be a Vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal lack ambition. If you don''t like the news, go out and make some. When you do a good deed, get a receipt -- in case heaven is like the IRS... Sorry, I don''t date outside my species No Radio -- already stolen Reality is a crutch for people who can''t handle drugs. Real women don''t have hot flashes, they have power surges. I took an IQ test and it came back negative. Where there''s a will, I want to be in it. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? Few women admit their age; fewer men act it. I don''t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every moment of it. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. IRS: We''ve got what it takes to take what you''ve got. Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students. It''s lonely at the top, but you eat better. According to my calculations, the problem doesn''t exist. Some people are alive only because it''s illegal to kill. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. A bartender is a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Reality? Is that where that Pizza Delivery Guy comes from? How can miss you if you won''t go away? Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity of give me something else. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. i souport publik edekashun Be nice to your kids. They''ll choose your nursing home. Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder... There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can''t. Why is ''abbreviation'' such a long word