Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like . . . . . night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Pardon my driving; I'm reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling
exception, is composed of others.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever....So far, so good.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Mind Like A Steel Trap...Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.
Support bacteria....They're the only culture some people have.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane, going the
wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The hardness of the butter is directly proportional to the softness of
the bread.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to
reach it.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above you principles.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable...except from vending machines.
Don't sweat petty things...or pet sweaty things.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest. And be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Get a new car for your spouse....It'll be a great trade!
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Everybody repeat after me...."We are all individuals."
Death to all fanatics!
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Borrow money from pessimists....They don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.